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The Difference Between Being In Love With A Person & An Idea

 

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An excerpt from my inbox: “I knew he was on drugs before we got married but I thought he’ll change for me. From the very beginning, he used to go out with his friends and come home after midnight. When our first child was born, I thought things will be better. He’d swear me if the baby cried at night. I took money from my parents to help him with his business but I knew it was just to get more drugs. After every fight he’d promise to get help and convince me that things will be different. Now I have 5 kids and I’m living with my parents. I don’t how for how long they’ll be able to support me but I wish I just accepted that he was an addict and he was never going to change just for me”. . . There’s something about human behavior that’s super important to be aware of: Everybody can change but every person isn’t a candidate for change. . . People (spouses, employers, friends, colleagues etc.)who don’t see the need to alter their behavior will most likely, never become candidates for change because they lack intrinsic motivation. Understand this and you’ll have the clarity to make better decisions about your relationships. . . With humans, past performance is usually a good indicator of future behavior. So, when someone hurts you and then apologizes for the 5000th time and promises they’re going to change, you can either try to sell yourself a lie that your soul is tired of hearing or you can accept the fact that they’re not going to magically become the person you want them to be. . . Be the kindest person you know but be brutally honest with yourself when you’re tempted to believe that someone will change who they are just because that’s the perception of them that you love the most.

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